care_says: (rpf - mindy is awesome)
[personal profile] care_says
Title: Trade My Soul for a Wish
Fandom: The Office RPF
Pairing: BJ Novak/Mindy Kaling
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Conducting a secret marriage over Twitter is harder than it looks.
Word Count: ~1500 words
Author Notes: Inspired by these stupid Tweets. Set in the same 'verse as Pennies and Dimes for a Kiss, so it won't make sense unless you read that first. Title from Call Me Maybe (see a theme?).

"Don't go," Mindy says to him through a mouthful of pillow, peering with half-lidded eyes at the shadowy form of BJ hovering over the dresser. Mmm, he's still wet from his shower, the towel knotted around his waist, and yeah, she would be okay with him coming back to bed right now.

He looks up, a pair of boxers balled up in his hand. "Where, to work? Where you should be going?"

She makes a frustrated noise and throws a pillow at him, which he catches. Fucking Little League with John. He knows she needs the extra fifteen minutes when he's taking his shower. "No, Vegas. For the bachelor party."

"I'll think of you every second," BJ says, dry, but he sits down at the edge of the bed and puts a hand against the side of her face, thumb stroking her cheek.

"Shut up," and Mindy sits up, sliding one arm around his neck and pulling him towards her. He tastes like Tom's Of Maine mint toothpaste. Her own breath must be disgusting but he's married her in sickness and in health, so whatever. He just has to deal with her morning breath.

"Come with me," he mutters against her mouth and presses his lips to her jaw, her neck.

"I -- can't." She swats him lightly when he makes her gasp. "Asshole. I have work to do. I'm important now and you're going with all guys to do guy things. Boring."

"I'll make time for you. I'll even go shopping with you." His hands slide beneath the sheets and up the old Harvard t-shirt of his she's wearing. BJ buries his nose in her shoulder. "Plus, wouldn't it be nice to revisit our wedding location?"

It'd be funnier if she weren't turned on, but if they're going to have morning sex, they'll also be late for work and she's thirty-three now -- she's trying this responsible adult thing out. "Yeah, well, you can go pay homage to our wedding chapel if you want, but I have to work."

"You're going to read your script and rewatch Breaking Bad and then go out for frozen yogurt. That's not work."

Fuck. He knows her too well. "That's just my creative process." Mindy pushes him away reluctantly. "I have to shower and we have to show up to set like we're not married."

"We have to tell people soon," he says, standing up.

Mindy shrugs and bites her bottom lip, staring down at the ring on her finger. Every day she takes it off before they go to work, sliding it carefully into a little box on her nightside table. Sometimes she holds her hand up in the middle of the day and expects to see it, the reminder of her and BJ. Secret marriage is both awesome and hard, and this is definitely one of the hard parts.

"I want to kiss you in public, Mindy." BJ's stares down at her, gaze unwavering.

God, he's just -- and suddenly she wants him so badly that she can barely stop herself from tackling him. Instead she pushes the sheets aside and stands next to him, hooking a finger into the waistband of the towel. "Ten-minute shower. Let's make it quick."

An hour and a half later when they walk into work, Mindy wonders if everyone can tell that she got laid this morning. She's probably giving off a sex-glow or something.


The evening progresses pretty much exactly how BJ predicted it would. She reads her script for half an hour before she ends up turning on the TV and about half an hour after that, she's hit with a craving for frozen yogurt that you wouldn't believe, but Mindy refuses to give into it. BJ shouldn't have the satisfaction of being right because he always is and it's infuriating.

Her stubbornness lasts for maybe twelve minutes before she's grabbing her purse and car keys and runs out the door to Pinkberry's.

Of course BJ calls her when she's happily ensconced in her front seat, eating yogurt with mangos and kiwis and mochi, and she nearly drops the carton straight into her lap.

"How's your yogurt?" he opens with.

"Fuck you," she says. "How did you know?"

He laughs and the sound settles warm in Mindy's chest. "Guessed. What is it? Strawberries and gummi bears?"

"I'm not obsessed with candy all the time."

"Wow, restraint. Okay. Color me impressed."

"How are your strippers?" she shoots back.

"Babe, you know strippers are for tomorrow night." But his voice goes all soft at the end, the words curling and light. "Anyway, I miss you."

Right. Um. She represses the urge to make a high-pitched squealing noise. God, get it together, she thinks, he's your fucking husband! "Miss you too. Whatever."

"Whatever? Fine, I take it back."

"You can't take it back! You miss me, you said it!"

"And you whatever-ed it!"

"Well, that's my prerogative to whatever it. But you can't take back missing me. I'm your wife."

BJ sighs and the sound makes the connection sound crackly for a second. "You're impossible."

"Thanks, I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"It is, weirdly enough." He pauses. "Well. Alright. I just wanted to call and say goodnight."

"I love you," she says quickly, not that she's making up for the whatever comment. But maybe kind of. If he wanted to think that.

"Yeah. I love you too. Whatever."



The bed feels too big when she gets into it. Mindy turns up the air-conditioning (alright, look, her carbon footprint is already going to be huge, okay?) and puts on one of BJ's hoodies, breathing in his smell in the fabric. He'll be back Sunday, she tells herself, but it doesn't help with the pang of missing him. He's her husband; she's allowed to miss him. She falls asleep half on his pillow, clutching the duvet, and wanting his arms around her.


She's not sure what made her do it. Maybe it was a moment of weakness. Or she was temporarily disabled by kryptonite. She should have just sent it as a text message, god, why didn't she? In any case, once she puts it on Twitter, it's too late and it's all shot to hell anyway. She just misses him, okay? She wants to curl up on the couch with him, eating take-out and squabbling.

BJ's Tweeted response is quick, but the call she expects doesn't come for another few hours. Mindy's in the middle of writing a scene for episode 5 when he interrupts her.

"Come home, hmm? Because that's super subtle?"

She minimizes Final Draft on her laptop and leans back against the pillows on the bed. "Admit it. It sounds good."

"It sounds great, babe," he says. "I wish I could." Beat. "You know, at this rate, someone's going to find out. We should just tell people."

"Yeah, I'm just -- " Mindy looks down at her hand again, takes a deep breath. "After the pilot airs?"

He's smiling. She can hear it. "Really?"

"Yeah. I -- I think that might be a good time."


"Okay," she repeats. "I miss you."

"Less than 24 hours," he says.

"Pick up sushi on your way home," she tells him.


He walks in when she's sprawled out on the living room floor in her sweats, trying to organize her bills. They're in piles scattered in a circle around her -- credit cards in one place and the electric in another. She's balancing her checkbook on her thigh and she upsets it jumping up, throwing herself at BJ.

"Hi," he says into her hair. He smells like car and unfamiliar hotel shampoo and she can feel the bag of take out bumping against her back, but she doesn't care. Well, she does a little, but that's not the point because he's home and he's kissing her, walking her back until they hit the couch.

Mindy collapses on it, grabbing the collar of his shirt and dragging him down with her. He drops the take out on the rug and kisses her again, the way she likes, slowly, like they have hours to kill. "Missed you," she says when he pulls back to breathe.

"Me too." He grins at her. She curls a hand in his hair, suddenly shy.

"No hot strippers in Vegas?"

His eyes follow hers and he kisses her forehead. "None as hot as you."

She hums happily, nestling back into the couch cushions. "Good answer."

"And I brought home sushi, so I think I'm winning the Husband of the Year award."

"You're definitely a contender, Smuggy McSmuggerson," and she kisses him again, the way he likes, a little sloppy and hot, and they don't talk much for a while.


("Picasso is boring? Min, how can you even say that -- "

"I can't even draw and I can draw what he did! Pass the rainbow roll."

"Don't eat all the tuna. I want some. And no, you can't. You definitely can't draw like Picasso."

"Look, Benjamin, a three-year-old could draw like Picasso -- "

"Okay, maybe like Picasso, but a three-year-old doesn't have the depth of -- "

"Oh my god, are you listening to yourself talk right now?"

"I'm trying to explain this to you!"

"You sound like the world's biggest douchebag."

"You love me."

"Fuck you."


(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-23 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Like just let me die now, this is probably the best thing I will ever know or read

Um I love like every line of this to itty bits and pieces but this part, THIS PART!!!:

"Babe, you know strippers are for tomorrow night." But his voice goes all soft at the end, the words curling and light. "Anyway, I miss you."

Right. Um. She represses the urge to make a high-pitched squealing noise. God, get it together, she thinks, he's your fucking husband! "Miss you too. Whatever."

I feel like it's kind of ridiculous to comment on how perfect your characterization is there (and everywhere) because like, duh, of course your BJ and Mindy are spot-on. But they are.



(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-23 10:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Okay seriously tho how did I miss the first one when it was posted!!! That's like four months of happiness and fulfillment I missed out on.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-24 06:44 pm (UTC)
kindness_says: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kindness_says



(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-23 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
THANK YOOOUUUU. Omg, those Tweets were just begging to be ficced.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-23 10:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOUD NOISES!!!!! Oh god, everything about this is so great, her "creative process" and their twitter fuck-ups (ALL THE TIME, IS THIS REAL LIFE OR JUST FANTASY WHO KNOWS) and "I want to kiss you publicly," shut the front door I need to go lay down and die for awhile. <3<3<3

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-23 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

OH GOD. Yeah. I have so many feelings about them I don't even know. <3 <3 <3 for your lovely comment!!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-24 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Fabulous as usual!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-24 10:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!!!!

PS, the BJ Tumblr is like my favorite thing ever. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

PPS, I've decided we should be friends. Because I want to be friends with everyone who ships them. OKAY COOL I'M DONE BEING CREEPY NOW.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-24 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank YOU!! :D

Not creepy, let's totally be friends!! I haven't used LJ in years but maybe it should become my BJ/Mindy feelings journal, mwahaha :3 (although of course you are welcome to follow me on Tumblr)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-24 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yaaaaayyyyy, I will totally do both those things!

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-25 05:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Can I be a total stalker and say that I also love your tumblr? Can I also friend you both? Your tumblr is so full of BJ (and Mindy) goodness. Which is also EXACTLY what this fic was. Those tweets were so begging for a fic so I'm so happy you did it. I love reading fics that more relate to where they are right now. Oh gosh, I am such a crazy. I can't help it. Anyways, fic was spectacular. LOVED the Picasso part at the end. How does she slash you think the same things that I do?!? ALSO did you see this article. BJ WILL BE ON THE SHOW EVENTUALLY.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-25 09:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awh, yeah, let's all be friends! I feel like the BJ/Mindy shippers are EVERYWHERE, but well-dispersed through Tumblr? At least I know there have been a lot of reblogs of those Tweets.

jfeoajfleajfilejalfjea this is such a nice comment! Ahahahaha, I feel pretty much that way about most modern art, but actually not about Picasso. More about, like, installation art.


(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-25 09:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That article is so beautiful to me that it's going up on Tumblr ASAP.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-25 09:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
feiajflieajfea I don't know how to give you credit, dammit!!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-26 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The fact that you write these INCREDIBLE fics and are on tumblr (who are you on Tumblr btw?) is THANKS ENOUGH. Just keep writing these fics please and thank you! Particularly in this universe. I like to be a total creepo and think that there is a huge sliver of truth. ;-) I think a ton of people see the perfection that would be BJ & Mindy as a couple. People are always commenting on Twitter and Tumblr and such about their cuteness.

And I like to go look at it. I appreciate it. I just don't understand why some things cost like a bajillion dollars for some paint splatters or a single dot on a white wall. Seriously saw that once in a famous museum.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-26 12:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My Tumblr username is maladyofthequotidian. It's on the top of the fic, because I'm the OP of those Tweets. It's mostly a lot of flailing about Doctor Who RPF, but there's also a lot of BJ and Mindy stuff, I guess.


(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-27 05:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Lordy lord, I LOVE THIS FUCKING SERIES PLEASE WRITE MORE MINDY/BEEJ MARRIED. You have me all worked up in a tizzy. I'm a married and it's making me love being married, too. I mean, I dunno, I have so many feelings right now, maybe I'm emotional, but I want this to be real for them!!!!

So many things I loved but I'm gonna pick my two favorite lines:
He tastes like Tom's Of Maine mint toothpaste. Her own breath must be disgusting but he's married her in sickness and in health, so whatever. He just has to deal with her morning breath.

Because this is me....

BJ shouldn't have the satisfaction of being right because he always is and it's infuriating.

Because husbands always KNOW you and this whole story just REEKS of his know-it-all-ness and I can't help but grin about it.

Also I followed you on tumblr, I have to figure out who the crap everyone is on there these days. I am potatoholic.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-27 06:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yaaaaaayyyyy, I'm so glad you like it!!!! I DEFINITELY WISH THIS WERE REAL. Excuse me, this whole fic series is like an exercise in self-indulgement. But anyway, THANK YOU!

I know. After I made the Tumblr, I was like, "Perhaps I should have used the same username?" but whatever, it's cool, it's my Tumblr of RPF shame -- and by that, I mean, SHAMELESS JOY.


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alex m.

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