i tell you this to break your heart

A non-comprehensive list of my work. Basically, these are the things I've written that I'm not horribly ashamed of. For a more thorough list, please check my Delicious, under the tag "byme".

Um, regarding things like RPF, please, you know, don't link actors to my fanfiction or post without permission, etc etc. LET'S ALL BE ADULTS HERE, BASICALLY.

And as a general disclaimer -- I make no claims on these characters nor do I make any money from them. I am just borrowing them to play with. Any real people featured in these stories have not actually done any of the things I've written (well, maybe some of it), but generally everything is fictitious.

( The Office (US) )

( Veronica Mars )

( How I Met Your Mother )

( Into the Woods )

( The Office (US) RPF )

( Doctor Who RPF )

( Doctor Who )

( Gossip Girl )

( The OC )

( Arrested Development )

( Greek )

( Miscellaneous )

Dear Yuletide Author,

Hello! I'm so excited you're writing me a fic of my very own! Whatever you're planning on, I'm sure I'm gonna love it. So I'm psyched about it already! Yuletide is the very best time of year. Thank you so, so much for all of your hard work. I can't wait! :) Here's some more information about my prompts and my general likes and dislikes.

Carmilla (Web Series): Carmilla Karnstein, Laura Hollis

Well, you already have my keysmash-y sign-up. I know the season will finish up as you're writing the fic (if you are writing me this), so I'm definitely not going to hold you to anything canon-compliant. ;) I love AUs anyway, so anything like that would be perfect. I don't know? I have a lot of feelings about both of their excellent faces? I'm pretty curious about Carmilla's backstory in greater detail, and her relationship with Elle, but I'd definitely love for the fic to feature Laura heavily as well. And, you know, kissing. Also, never say no to fake-dating vampires!

The Toast RPF: Mallory Ortberg

I feel like if you've offered to write this, you maybe already have an idea of what you've gotten yourself into? Here I am ALL ABOUT THE CRACK!FIC. I think Mallory Ortberg is a divine goddess, and I would 100% read about her being an ACTUAL DIVINE GODDESS. YES, I AM HERE FOR THIS. Basically, anything about her perfection I am on board with. Like, what is it like to bask in the light of her perfection? I DON'T KNOW. I WILL LET YOU KNOW AFTER I SEE HER ON HER BOOK TOUR.

Faking It: Amy Raudenfeld

Because I feel so ambivalently about Karma about two-thirds of the time, I'm really only holding you to Amy. I do ship her and Karma, but at this point on the show, I just don't see that happening. Unless something major happens. In any case, I love Amy. I'm enjoying her journey. I'd particularly love future fic about Amy, when she's really found herself and is doing well, and yes, perhaps even with Karma. (I think I specifically said college fic in my sign-up, but you don't have to.)

In general, I tend to like slow burn fics, makeouts, banter, understated wrting, tropes, humor, awesome girl!friendships, unusual narrative structure, sex with plot (not that PWPs aren't great -- just not my preferred Yuletide gift), AUs, happy endings, canon extension (stories that take place in the canon 'verse, but beyond the scope of the series).

In general, I tend to dislike fics entirely made up of character introspection, character bashing, gratuitous violence, dubcon and noncon, second person POV (rather, I like very selectively), cheating (I HATE IT SO MUCH), character death, self-harm, canon rehashing, ladybashing, angst without a happy ending.

I adore AUs -- in this case, I'm most interested in seeing it for Carmilla. I'm pretty interested in Amy in her current world. But Carmilla! So many AUs! I would be all over that situation!

I have my favorite fics on Pinboard, which I have woefully neglected since the advent of Tumblr. You can check my AO3 for things I've written recently. My Tumblr is probably the best place to get to know me -- that's where I hang out these days.

If you need real people to speak to, please feel free to contact kindness_says, my best friend, roommate, writing partner, etc etc. She's a little MIA on Eljay these days, so you could also talk to perpetuallyfive, thecousinsdangereux, and/or coffeesomemore about my fic needs. I flail at them a lot and they know me pretty well. :)

Once again, thank you so much! I'm so very excited!

This letter is mirrored on Tumblr.

Title: we are the wild youth
Fandom: New Girl
Pairing: Nick/Jess
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3277

Summary: 7 Minutes in Heaven is a ridiculous game. High school AU.

Author's Note: Title from Youth by Daughter.

This, which started as commentfic for the Nick + Jess First Time Commentficathon, obviously spiraled wildly out of control. But it also fulfills the high school AU square on my trope_bingo card, so I don't really care.

Apologies for all errors. I wrote this in one sitting in two and a half hours.

Cross-posted to AO3.

( So. They're in a closet together. )

Title: Colliding Upwards, Moving Down
Fandom: New Girl
Pairing: Nick/Jess
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10430

Summary: In retrospect, Nick probably shouldn't have traded his shirt for magic beans. Yes, this is a bodyswap fic.

Author's Note: Written for trope_bingo, the bodyswap square, obviously. This fic would still be gathering dust though if it weren't for kyrafic who sends me brainstorming emails and flails with me on gchat and finds blowjob fic recs, and who read snippets of this fic early on. She is the all-time best! Also, so many thanks to silverakira for reading the porn and telling me it didn't suck, and for answering weird mechanical questions about handjobs for ladies who don't like penises. I will never be able to look you in the face again, but I love you!

Cross-posted to AO3.

( In retrospect, Nick probably shouldn't have traded his shirt for magic beans. )

Title: you carried romance in the palm of your hand
Fandom: Pitch Perfect
Pairing: Beca/Chloe, Beca/Jesse
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 7311

Summary: Beca spends the weeks before Christmas cramming for finals and barely speaking to anyone, the exception primarily being Cynthia Rose, since they live in the same room.

Or: the very slow process by which Beca Mitchell figures out what she wants.

Author's Note: Written for the February challenge at nothing_hip! I know, even though the song was "Ho Hey", I took the fic title from Tegan and Sara's "Drove Me Wild". I just listened to both songs a lot while writing this, okay? Also posted to AO3.

( Beca spends the weeks before Christmas cramming for finals and barely speaking to anyone, the exception primarily being Cynthia Rose, since they live in the same room. )

I've never done this before! Ever! I have never done a love meme. I don't know why. I just never bothered. BUT WHY NOT THIS YEAR. WHY FREAKING NOT.

holiday love meme 2012
my thread here

Dear Yuletide Author,

This is my favorite time of year! I'm so glad it's the holiday season once again. For some reason I delayed ages on my sign-up this time, but it's like my 6th year or something of doing this! I can't believe it! But blah blah blah, I really appreciate all your hard work and effort and I'm super excited about reading my gift!fic and yay yay yay. =)

( My prompts! )

I hope you have a blast writing this and thank you again! Happy holidays!

Title: Like Stars Burning Up the Night (2/2)
Fandom: Doctor Who RPF
Pairing: Matt Smith/Karen Gillan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: That time they were all in a band. The Karen and the Babes AU.

Part 1

( Like Stars Burning Up the Night, Part 2 )

Title: Trade My Soul for a Wish
Fandom: The Office RPF
Pairing: BJ Novak/Mindy Kaling
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Conducting a secret marriage over Twitter is harder than it looks.
Word Count: ~1500 words
Author Notes: Inspired by these stupid Tweets. Set in the same 'verse as Pennies and Dimes for a Kiss, so it won't make sense unless you read that first. Title from Call Me Maybe (see a theme?).

( Come home. We'll listen to the Beatles and eat Hirozen and you can explain art to me. )